This is my first year at Silver Oaks and I was finally able to co-op.. I walked into my son’s kindergarten class not knowing what to expect, but Ms. Christine greeted me and told me, “I’m so glad you’re here today.” I sat on the oval rug with the kids, my son next to me, stoked that I was there, and we did the morning meeting. Ms. Christine let the class in setting our intention for the day that she wrote on the whiteboard, “We were going to have Spanish class. We were going to have a super awesome day.” We sang in Spanish class the same songs I had been hearing my kids sing at home. We made graphs based on the soft dice that everyone had a chance to throw (5’s were winning but 1’s came back and tied it). We ran around outside for outdoor work, read books in the glen, noticed (and wrote about) differences between two different versions of Goldilocks. We did more outdoor work. T
I helped cut some papers, retrieve supplies and clean tables, sweep floors, was there so the teacher could take bathroom breaks. I helped check their math work, but for the most part, I was just present with the kids. It was one of the more relaxing days I’ve had all year. I particularly appreciated not being allowed to use my cell phone. It was a well-needed detox.
As time has passed, I’ve realized how much I learned while co-oping. My two boys enjoy getting on each other’s nerves. My 7-year-old son Oliver likes to “trick” my 5-year-old son Isaac until Isaac gets fed up and hits him and then they both like to come running to me to see who will get in trouble. Through watching Ms. Christine’s conflict resolution technique I’ve learned to get on my kids level and start by saying:
“What would you two do if this happened at school?” After the obligatory, I don’t know’s we walked through it. I had Isaac turn his body toward Oliver and ask him, “Are you okay.”
Oliver replied, “No you hit me.” Onto the second step.
After prompting Isaac responds, “Is there anything I can to do to make it better?”
Oliver says, “I don’t like hugs!”
“Maybe you would like some space?” I suggest. Oliver agrees and they play separately for a while.
Then just like in class, I prompt Isaac to follow up with Oliver. Once again, he turns his body and asks, “Are you okay now?”
This time Oliver, probably missing the company, responds, “Yeah I’m fine.” And they start playing together again.
What has been fascinating to me is that after going through this process a few times their conflicts have significantly decreased. I think it’s partly because they know the process, they are going to get by coming to me and they don’t find it particularly fun. It has taken away the exciting part where they get to yell out their concerns and find out who will get in trouble. It isn’t that we no longer have consequences at home, just that my kids are learning to handle the conflicts that they can handle by themselves.
Alex, father to Isaac (K) and Oliver (2nd).